


Conversations That Didn't Happen

by taraxacum (wishforwishes)



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Gen, Slice of Life, Snippets, Team Dynamics
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-10
Updated: 2020-06-10
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:41:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24643489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wishforwishes/pseuds/taraxacum
Summary: This fic does what it says on the tin: compiles bits of imagined conversations between MCU characters.
Relationships: Steve Rogers & Tony Stark





	Conversations That Didn't Happen

**Author's Note:**

> Don't mind me, I'm just doing some housekeeping. I didn't start properly writing fic until a couple years ago (in a completely different fandom lol), but I've had this snippet saved on my computer since 2016. I don't remember writing it but I guess past me was still a little salty about how Civil War went down. I might add onto this later on, but I think it works as is.

Just sit down and _talk_ , Natasha had said. Try to understand each other's perspective instead of just punching each other. Tony thinks it's too late for that, but he's aware of how much he owes her, so he's willing to give it a try. More flies with honey, use a carrot instead of a stick, all that fucking jazz. And to Steve's credit, he comes by the compound readily enough, trusting Tony's word that he won't turn him in even though Captain America is still on every Most Wanted list in the world (and isn't that proof they're all living in a Bizarro universe). 

They get domestic in one of the more secluded rec rooms, settled onto opposite ends of a long couch, and Tony can almost pretend they're the first arrivals for a team bonding night. But no one else is coming to act as a buffer between them. It's just him and Steve and everything they've said and can't take back. Plus all the shit they _failed_ to say, which can't be undone either. But some things are better late than never, so Tony thinks he's being very magnanimous by acknowledging that he never asked, back in the day, how Steve must have felt back in the day when Barnes 'came back' to life. 

"Seriously, Cap, it must have been tough. How'd you deal with it at first?"

Steve looks a little like he got knocked on the head, but after taking a deep breath, he answers. 

“Well. To be honest, I _didn't_ deal with it. I just felt useless, I guess. For a long time. Every day I would wish I'd jumped off that train after him. Even if that meant Hydra had taken us both — at least he wouldn't have been alone.”

Well, that didn't take long at all. Literally the first thing Steve said has Tony ready to fight. Screw the carrot. Time to poke this asshole right in his stupid square jaw with a stick. A big one. 

“I mean, if you'd said you regret him becoming the Winter Soldier because the Winter Soldier murdered my goddamn fucking  _ parents _ , Steve, then yeah. I feel that. For obvious reasons,” Tony says, exploding up from the couch and pacing around the room. It's like there was a lit fuse under him, waiting impatiently for the first possible excuse to explode. Now it's gotten it, and he's burning up with anger in a way he hasn't been able to feel since Rhodey got shot down from the sky. 

“If you'd said you felt guilty because you sided with him for our WWE throwdown then yeah, I'm with you, I accept your apology, welcome back to the girl scouts and all that. But your all-American ass can go  _ fuck  _ itself if your most tender, ennui-filled wish is to have been wreaking havoc  _ with _ your psychopathic bestie for seventy years. You dying for the cause and ending up a useless popsicle in the Atlantic? Way better outcome in literally everyone else’s opinion.”

Okay, so maybe that was a little too harsh. More of a redneck’s switch than a stick. Tony half expects a punch in the face, but instead:

“I didn't die for the cause, Stark,” Steve says, seeming more weary than anything. “I didn't die at all.” 

He sounds a little exhausted about it, like yeah, actually, part of him  _ would _ prefer to still be in blissful ignorance at the bottom of the ocean. Well, apparently that part of Steve plays second fiddle to his stupid-as-shit version of “concern” for his buddy's personal struggles. As opposed to concern for, hmm, maybe the Soldier's many  _ (many) _ crimes against humanity? 

But still. That level of old-man depression is enough to take the wind out of anyone's sails. Tony decides to switch back to the carrot. He doesn't have a lot of experience corralling maudlin superheroes, but he does have experience with how unpleasant it is to be in debt to Natasha Romanoff, so he steels himself and sits back down on the couch next to Steve. 

“Seriously? Out of everything from that magnificent and pretty insulting speech I just gave, that's the part you want to correct?” 

Steve just gives him a humorless smile, so Tony forges ahead.

“Look, it pains me to say this, considering your recent Shakespeare-esque betrayal, but you do still get to be like, a  _ little _ morally superior about the whole ultimate sacrifice thing. I mean, the impact of saying ‘I died for the cause’ is lessened a bit when you're alive to, you know,  _ say  _ it. It's a paradox thing. Just some honesty hour for you. But it still counts. Even if it didn't stick.” 

Tony feels he's being pretty generous here, but Steve just buries his head in his hands. 

There's a silence — an _uncomfortably_ _long_ silence — and Tony is about to text Natasha and tell her that 'reconcile with the fucking war criminal’ was surprisingly not a great idea, when Steve finally speaks again. 

“I didn't sacrifice myself for my country,” Steve says, basically just repeating himself (like the tin soldier he  _ is _ , Tony wants to think, a little viciously). 

But now he's saying it like it was torn out of him, like it's a confession, and when he takes a breath to continue, little alarm bells start going off in Tony's head. 

“I tried to kill myself. Because I couldn't live without him.  _ That's  _ what didn't stick, Stark. Which is pretty funny, because I — if I — if I'd been less goddamn selfish and parachuted out of the Valkyrie in time, then. Then I would have been able to look for Bucky's body, and found him alive and captive instead. And then I wouldn't have had to live without him after all, the way I had to for the last three years. And he wouldn't have gone through the worst sort of hell for the last six decades. And  _ you _ wouldn't have had to live your adult life without your parents. So whichever way you want to slice it, it's still on me.”

Well. 

Now Tony kind of wishes the silence had lasted a little longer. Indefinitely, even. He is not equipped to handle a suicidal Captain America, Jesus fucking Christ. He’d been wringing his hands just trying to deal with an ordinarily maudlin one.


End file.
